Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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