Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
