he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
