I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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