It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
