you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
