I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
