I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
