i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
