Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
