He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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