One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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