as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Terrible idea I love it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
