Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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