What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
