she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
