i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
