it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
