so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
