____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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