I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
