So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
