He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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