Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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