What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
