I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
