Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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