Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
