Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
