Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Randomize
