I just made out with a guy for $7.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
