I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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