Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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