I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
