Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
