Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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