Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize