Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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