WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
