party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She just used a chaser for red wine.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
