he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
