Your mouth is God's brothel.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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