11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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