He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
