We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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