you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
that is very illegal...i love you.
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