I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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