I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
