I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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