I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
