Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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