as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
