We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
