I cockslap morals
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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