I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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