i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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