a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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