he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
