If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
