Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
