Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
